Confederation After Vassalization
By default, you can’t confederate after you’ve conquered a faction. You can chose to destroy them, or vassalize them, but that’s as far as it goes.
Now, after you’ve subjugated a faction (killed their armies, occupied their territories), you get an event that prompts you to either keep them as a vassal, or forcefully have them confederate if they’re of the same culture (i.e, Dark Elves can confederate Dark Elves, but not Lizardmen).
You’ll need a mod that gives you the vassalization option that is explicitly made compatible with this mod. So get my updated and bugfixed Diplomatic Options here: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2128500856
Update 01: Now you get the option to vassalize a faction that you’ve just liberated from a settlement ruin.
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I recommend looking through my collection of campaign enhancement mods, as they all bring some much needed dynamism to the game: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2101461335
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Diplomatic Options - Vassal, Liberate & Confederate (Warden And The Paunch update) — Steam Workshop